How to Help Relatives Who Are Grieving

What to expect

Grief is unpredictable. Each individual will grieve differently, and even someone who has experienced loss before may handle it in a new way. Some might seem strong on the outside, while others may openly express their feelings. Here are some common reactions you may witness:

Shock and disbelief: Immediately after the loss, many people struggle to accept what has happened. They may seem numb or act as though they are in denial.

Intense emotions: Grief can bring a wave of intense emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, or even relief, depending on the circumstances. These emotions may come and go or last for long periods.

Physical symptoms: Grief doesn’t only affect the heart and mind—it can also take a physical toll. People who are grieving may feel fatigued, experience headaches, stomach problems, or struggle with insomnia.

Difficulty focusing: It’s common for grieving individuals to feel distracted or forgetful. Concentration often becomes difficult as grief clouds the mind, making daily tasks feel overwhelming.

Isolation: Some people may withdraw socially as they struggle to cope with the loss. Others may seek out companionship more than usual. Respect these choices and offer gentle support, whether it’s company or space.

Being aware of these signs can help you better understand what your loved one may be experiencing. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to grief, so be patient and flexible with how they navigate this journey.

Ways to reach out

One of the most important things you can do when supporting a grieving relative is to reach out. Even if you're unsure of what to say, the simple act of checking in can mean the world. Here are some ways you can provide support:

Be available: Let your loved one know you are there for them. They may not be ready to talk right away, but knowing you are present and willing to listen can be a great comfort. Sometimes, just sitting in silence together is more helpful than trying to fill the air with words.

Listen without judgment: Offer a listening ear without trying to "fix" things. Grieving people often need to express their emotions or talk about the deceased without fear of judgment. Avoid offering advice unless asked, and resist the urge to compare their grief with your own or anyone else’s.

Offer practical help: Grief can make everyday tasks feel overwhelming. Offering to help with chores, meals, or errands can be a tangible way to show support. For example, you could drop off a home-cooked meal, run a few errands, or help tidy up around the house. It can be hard for people to ask for help, so offering specific support can make it easier for them to accept.

Respect their wishes: Some people may need time alone, while others may appreciate company and conversation. Respect their needs and offer support in ways that feel comfortable for them. Always ask if they’re comfortable with your presence and don’t take it personally if they need space.

One of the most valuable ways to show care is to simply be there. You don't have to have all the answers or say the perfect words. Often, just being a supportive presence is enough to help a grieving loved one feel less alone.

Things not to say or do

Even with the best intentions, certain words or actions can inadvertently cause more pain. Here are a few things to avoid when supporting someone through grief:

Minimising their loss: Phrases like "At least they lived a long life" or "They are in a better place now" can diminish the depth of the person’s loss. Every grief experience is valid, no matter the age of the deceased or the circumstances surrounding their death.

Offering unsolicited advice: It’s important not to tell someone how to grieve. Phrases like "You need to move on" or "Be strong" can feel dismissive or pressure the person to hide their emotions. Let them grieve in their own way, without expectations.

Comparing losses: Even if you’ve experienced a similar loss, comparing your grief to theirs may not be helpful. Grief is personal, and no two people experience it the same way. Instead, offer empathy and a listening ear.

Remember, it’s okay not to have all the answers. Often, the best thing you can do is simply listen and be present.

How to talk about the deceased

Talking about the deceased can be difficult, but it can also bring comfort and healing. Here are some tips on how to navigate these conversations in a sensitive and supportive way:

Use their name: Don’t be afraid to say the name of the deceased. It reminds the grieving person that their loved one is not forgotten and that you, too, remember and care about them.

Share memories: If appropriate, share a memory or story about the deceased. This can be a beautiful way to honour their life and show that they made a lasting impact.

Follow their lead: Some people may want to talk about their loved one, while others may not. Let them guide the conversation and be respectful of their wishes.


It’s important to be mindful of how the grieving person is responding to these conversations. If they seem open to talking about their loved one, encourage it. If they’re not ready, give them the space they need.

Final thoughts

Grief is a complex and often overwhelming experience, and supporting a loved one through it requires patience, compassion, and understanding. There’s no "right" way to grieve, and everyone moves through the process at their own pace. As a supporter, your role is to be there, offering comfort and a steady presence when it’s needed most.

Remember, the small gestures matter. Sending a thoughtful message, offering a warm meal, or simply sitting quietly together can provide great comfort to someone going through the pain of loss. Above all, be kind to yourself as well—supporting someone through grief is emotionally challenging, and it’s okay to feel unsure or overwhelmed at times.

For more information or to learn more about bereavement support, click here, where you can find additional resources and guidance on where to go for help if needed.

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