Coping with Grief During the Holidays

Why the holidays amplify grief

Grief can feel particularly overwhelming during the holiday season because this time of year is steeped in traditions and rituals that often revolve around family and loved ones. An empty chair at the dinner table or a missing name on a holiday card can serve as constant reminders of your loss. The contrast between your feelings of sorrow and the festive cheer around you can also create a sense of isolation. It’s important to understand that this is entirely normal.

Grief doesn’t operate on a schedule, and it doesn’t take a break for the holidays. Your emotions may come in waves—one moment you might feel numb, and the next, a memory could trigger a flood of tears. Acknowledging these feelings and giving yourself permission to grieve, no matter the time of year, is a vital step toward healing.

Ways to cope with grief during the holidays

Grieving during the holidays doesn’t mean you have to endure the season alone or without joy. There are practical steps you can take to ease the emotional burden and make the season more manageable.

1. Allow yourself to grieve

The first and most important step is to allow yourself to feel your emotions. Grief is not something you can “get over” or push aside, and trying to suppress your feelings may lead to greater emotional distress later. It’s okay to cry, feel sad, or even be angry. Acknowledging these emotions is an essential part of processing your loss.

Some find it helpful to set aside a specific time each day to reflect on their feelings or memories of their loved one. This could be through journaling, prayer, or simply sitting quietly. Giving yourself this time can help you feel less overwhelmed by grief during the rest of the day.

2. Take care of your physical and emotional well-being

Grief can take a toll on both your body and mind, so self-care is crucial. This doesn’t mean you have to suddenly start an intense fitness routine or stick to a strict diet, but small acts of care can make a big difference. Eating regular, nourishing meals can help maintain your energy levels, while staying hydrated and getting enough sleep can support your emotional resilience.

Gentle exercise, like walking or yoga, can also help alleviate stress and boost your mood. If you’re struggling to sleep, try creating a calming bedtime routine, such as reading, listening to soothing music, or practicing deep breathing exercises.

Taking care of your emotional well-being might involve seeking support from a counsellor, therapist, or grief support group. Talking to someone who understands what you’re going through can provide immense relief and help you process your feelings.

3. Adjust holiday traditions

Holiday traditions are often deeply tied to memories of loved ones, which can make them feel bittersweet or even painful. It’s okay to adjust or let go of certain traditions if they no longer feel right. For example, if hosting a large family dinner feels overwhelming, consider having a smaller gathering or ordering food instead of cooking.

Some people find comfort in creating new traditions that honour their loved one’s memory. This could involve lighting a candle in their name, dedicating a moment of silence before a meal, or decorating a special ornament in their honour. By creating a space to remember and celebrate their life, you can keep their presence alive in a way that feels meaningful to you.

4. Navigate social gatherings with care

Holiday parties and gatherings can be a double-edged sword for those who are grieving. On one hand, being surrounded by loved ones can provide comfort, but on the other, the festive atmosphere can feel at odds with your emotions. It’s important to listen to yourself and decide what feels manageable.

If you’re invited to a gathering, consider giving yourself permission to attend only part of the event. Let the host know ahead of time that you might need to leave early. Having an “exit plan” can help you feel less trapped and more in control. It’s also okay to decline invitations altogether if you’re not ready.

If you do attend, try to focus on moments of connection rather than the pressure to feel cheerful. Conversations with supportive friends or family members can help you feel less alone in your grief.

5. Honour your loved one’s memory

One of the most meaningful ways to cope with grief during the holidays is to find ways to honour and remember your loved one. This can help you feel connected to them and create a sense of peace during an otherwise difficult time. Some ideas include:

- Preparing their favourite holiday meal as part of your celebration.
- Writing them a letter, sharing your thoughts, and placing it in a special keepsake box or place.
- Organising a small memorial gathering where friends and family can share stories and memories.
- Volunteering or donating to a cause that was important to them.
- Creating a scrapbook or photo album that highlights cherished moments together.

These acts of remembrance can transform sorrow into gratitude for the time you shared with your loved one.

6. Give yourself permission to say no

The holiday season often comes with countless obligations, from attending events to buying gifts and decorating. If these activities feel overwhelming, it’s okay to say no. You don’t have to meet anyone’s expectations, and your well-being should come first.

Simplify your holiday plans by focusing on what truly matters to you. If shopping feels stressful, consider giving small, heartfelt gestures like handwritten notes or homemade treats. If decorating feels like too much, choose just a few meaningful items to display.

Remember, there’s no rulebook for grieving during the holidays. Do what feels right for you.

7. Recognise that you’re not alone

One of the hardest aspects of grief is the sense of isolation it can bring. During the holidays, it’s easy to feel like everyone else is celebrating while you’re struggling. However, it’s important to remember that many others are also grieving during this time. You are not alone.

Consider joining a grief support group, either in person or online, where you can connect with others who understand what you’re going through. Sometimes, just knowing that others share similar feelings can provide comfort and reassurance.

Final thoughts

Grieving during the holidays is a deeply personal experience, and there’s no right or wrong way to approach it. The most important thing is to be kind to yourself and honour your feelings. Whether you find comfort in traditions, create new rituals, or take time for quiet reflection, give yourself permission to grieve and heal in your own way.

If you’re finding the holiday season especially challenging, remember that help is available. At Hadaway & Denton, we are here to support you, not just during the holidays, but every day. For additional resources, visit our bereavementsupport page or contact us directly.

Take care of yourself this holiday season, and remember: you are not alone.

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