Losing a loved one is one of life’s most challenging experiences, and planning a funeral can feel overwhelming. One way to support grieving families and friends is by holding a wake — a gathering after the funeral to remember and celebrate the life of the person who has died. A wake provides an opportunity to share memories, offer support, and spend time together in a more informal and personal setting. In this blog we share practical tips and ideas for organising the wake and making it personal.
What Is a Wake?
A wake is a social gathering held after a funeral service where family, friends, and acquaintances come together to honour the deceased. Traditionally, wakes were occasions to keep vigil over the body, but modern wakes are more like receptions or celebrations of life. They provide a space to share stories, offer comfort, and mark the passing of someone special.
During a wake, it is common for people to bring photographs, share memories, or display items that were meaningful to the person who has died. Wakes can be quiet and reflective or lively and celebratory — there is no right or wrong way to hold one. The key is that it reflects the personality and wishes of your loved one.
Understanding Costs and Budgeting
The overall cost of a wake can vary widely depending on several factors. The number of people attending will have the biggest impact, as larger gatherings usually require more space and catering. Food and drink choices are another key consideration — whether you prefer light refreshments, a buffet, or a sit-down meal, the cost will reflect the type and amount of catering you choose.
Other elements, such as hiring a venue, arranging tables and chairs, or adding personal touches like flowers, photographs, or music, can also influence the total cost. Setting a budget and deciding what matters most for your wake can help ensure the event feels meaningful and personal without creating unnecessary financial pressure. Even with a modest budget, a thoughtfully planned wake can provide a comforting and memorable space for friends and family to come together.
A Guide To Planning A Wake
1. Choose a Venue
Selecting a venue is the first step. Consider the number of guests, the atmosphere you want to create, and any personal or cultural requirements. We have extensive local knowledge in Ashford and can recommend venues that suit different budgets and styles — from intimate gatherings in a local hall to larger receptions in hotels or restaurants.
2. Decide on Catering
Think carefully about the food and drink to be served. Options range from tea and coffee with cakes to a full buffet or plated meal. Personal touches, such as serving a favourite dish of the deceased, can make the gathering more memorable. Remember to account for dietary requirements and whether the venue offers catering or if an external caterer is needed.
3. Set the Tone and Style
A wake can be reflective or celebratory. Consider the personality of your loved one: would they have preferred a calm, solemn atmosphere, or a lively gathering full of stories and laughter? Music, photos, memory books, or videos can help personalise the event and make it meaningful for everyone who attends.
4. Notify Guests
Ensure that guests are aware that a wake will follow the funeral. Information can be included with funeral notices, sent via email, or communicated by phone. Providing clear directions and timings will help everyone attend without confusion.
5. Personal Touches
Adding personal elements can make the wake truly special. Display photographs, keepsakes, or awards; invite guests to write memories in a book or on a memory board; and consider music, decorations, or food that reflects the personality and tastes of your loved one.
6. Coordinate With Your Funeral Director
While a wake is usually separate from the funeral service, your funeral director can provide practical advice and local knowledge. At Hadaway & Denton, we can suggest suitable venues, caterers, and ways to personalise the event. We also help coordinate timings to ensure a smooth transition from the funeral to the wake.
Celebrating Life Through a Wake
A wake is more than just a gathering; it is an opportunity to celebrate the life of your loved one in a way that feels personal and meaningful. While funerals are often formal and structured, a wake can be more relaxed, allowing friends and family to share stories, laugh, and remember the unique qualities of the person who has passed away. There are many ways to personalise a wake and make it a true celebration of life:
Music Play their favourite songs, whether for background ambiance or for specific moments during the gathering.
Photos and Memorabilia:
Display photographs, keepsakes, awards, or items that were important to them.
Memory Boards or Books
Invite guests to write messages, memories, or stories to create a lasting keepsake.
Food and Drink:
Serve favourite dishes, desserts, or signature drinks that were meaningful to the deceased.
Hobbies and Interests:
Highlight their passions through displays, activities, or themed decorations.
Visual Presentations:
Create a slideshow or video montage of memories, milestones, and special moments.
Decorations:
Use their favourite colours or flowers for example to create a personalised atmosphere.
The beauty of a wake is that it can balance reflection with celebration. Guests can express grief, but also celebrate the joy, humour, and love that the deceased brought into the world. By including personal touches, the wake becomes a supportive and meaningful space where memories are shared, connections are strengthened, and life is truly honoured.
How We Can Help
At Hadaway & Denton, our local knowledge of Ashford allows us to help you plan every aspect of a wake. From suggesting suitable venues to providing catering guidance, we can help you create an event that meets your wishes and budget. We also offer practical advice on timing, personal touches, and logistics, drawing on years of experience supporting families in the local community.
Final Thoughts
Planning a wake may feel daunting, but it can also be a comforting and meaningful way to celebrate a life. By considering the venue, catering, timing, and personal touches, you can create a gathering that reflects your loved one and provides support for all who attend.
If you are thinking about planning a wake and would like guidance, contact Hadaway & Denton, your trusted funeral directors in Ashford. We can offer advice, suggest local venues, and provide support to help you plan a wake that honours and celebrates the life of your loved one. With our help, you can ensure the event is meaningful, personal, and full of compassion.
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